Götterdämmerung

If you're like me, you don't have time to see every movie that comes out. So it's nice that I can read the abridged version of Twilight so I can converse with the cool kids.

Some highlights:

KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.

KRISTEN STEWART
(swoon)

ROBERT PATTINSON
You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.

* * *

KRISTEN STEWART
Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?

PETER FACINELLI
Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin...

* * *

ROBERT PATTINSON
So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.

KRISTEN STEWART
I love you. Put a baby in me.

For more abridged screenplays of your favorite movies, click here (the Indiana Jones script is really good).